Posted by: Leek | May 14, 2013

Unproductive Season Review: Winter 2013

What’s that? You said we’re almost halfway into Spring and it’s late to be doing a roundup of what happened in Winter? Well that’s perfect. If you take all the letters in my full name, added W and L, and remove everything that wasn’t O and S then you could spell “slow”. You people must be crazy if you think I do anything near the optimal time.

To be honest, it felt a little lonely not really talking about anime. Sure, this was never intended as an anime blog but it feels odd just dabbling into it when I feel like it. So until I get bored, I’ll probably do some spoiler filled, completely filter off, go nowhere reviews of the various shows I watched over a season…once I feel like it. So feel free to skim through and see what I thought of the same things you watched.

But first, a friendly disclaimer. If you’re a young child then you should get parent approval before proceeding forward. The internet is a terrible place and I don’t want you reading things that your parents will blame the internet on. If you’re a parent and have young children present then you should probably escort them out of the room and sit them down with some Pretty Cure or Kamen Rider. Heck, you should probably just ignore this article altogether and join them. We all know it’s better than anything I’ll be talking about in this article.

Welcome friends to the first installment of the Unproductive Season Review where the words are harsh and the scoring matters as much as a cultural lesson from Danny Choo. This season we’ll be going over thrilling anime including Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai NEXT, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Hunter x Hunter (Greed Island Arc), Little Busters!, Love Live!, Magi and so much more. Actually so much that I will most likely get tired of writing before it’s over. But let’s move on, shall we?

 

 

Me ha Tomodachi ga Not Enough


Fact: Due to conflict with Yozora’s actor, she was written out of the script

So how did another season of the Haganai adaption hold up? I feel it’s always hard to judge Haganai as I’ve never once took a look at the original LNs. HOWEVER, I could always tell it was better paced and 10x less of a trainwreck than Ore no Imouto.

That set aside, the first season easily shits on anything the second season was trying to do. It’d be wrong to say we didn’t keep the wacky hi-jinks and pseudo drama from the first season. But it’d be more in the right to say we got decent hi-jinks, forced drama, and a ton of new characters that are lost in a plot that should have taken a left at Albuquerque. The plot is so confusing that even the characters themselves don’t even know what to fucking do with themselves. Rika, who suddenly decided she wanted to be the main heroine, seems content to spend the entire show flip-flopping her desires. In reality, the show just can’t hold all those X chromosomes.

I’m sure we’ll get more shocking reveals that will get written off within seconds of being revealed soon enough. Rika is actually Kodaka’s previous girlfriend, Kobata isn’t Kodaka’s actual little sister (it was Yukimura all along), Yozora is actually a fish, and Maria is the actual vampire. This will all come packed with 3 new characters (all female, of course) to be added to the cast.

The Final Score: 2 friends out of 6 club members

 

 

Sinbad: The Muscles of Magic


Fact: Sinbad has given the D to every woman in the Magi universe

This season was very much the season of Shounen Jump. I will admit it’s never been a habit of mine to watch much anime that comes out of Jump. But this season offered me more than enough that peaked my interest. Let’s be honest though. The only thing I knew about Magi was that all my fujoshi friends read it and that Sinbad’s got the body of Adonis. The latter was enough to push me into watching it.

Magi, to say the least, was sluggish. While I waited each week for an episode it became annoying that and all around mild battle had to be spanned over so many episodes. And every other segment that wasn’t Sinbad banging it out was Alibaba trying to pretend he was the main character. But chances are once Aladdin, Morgiana, Sinbad, or ANY OTHER character for that matter came on screen you stopped caring. Unfortunately Alibaba being an irrelevant character isn’t a series gag. He’s just irrelevant.

But. Magi still had Sinbad fuck someone up and it ended so randomly I had absolutely no idea what had hit me. It was far from a magical experience and it didn’t take me on any magic carpet ride. But at least it gave me some (mediocre) action to look forward to every week.

The Final Score: 4 Sinbad Voyages out of 7

 

 

3 Minutes of Heroes


Fact: This Senyuu. review will be covered in four words.

Meh. Manga’s good doe.

The Final Score: (Ran out of words to score it with)

 

 

Deez bitches are cray and fight over me too much


Fact: The blood is actually delicious strawberry jam

I won’t try and edge my out of this one. The only real reason I watched Oreshura is because it was advertised on Yuka Ootsubo’s talk show. I watched the pre-air special and after that decided what the fuck. I also hardly watch anything where Yukarin actually voices a character. Good job Yukarin. You sound great for your age! The compliments end there though.

I really don’t have much to say about Oreshura. Masuzu and Ai were likable enough. The show did the best it could to develop characters in the short amount of time it had. And Eita’s diary entries made me want to put a fork through my brain. Isn’t secondhand embarrassment fun?

The Final Score: -2 on a scale of -5 to 0

 

 

Senran Knockers


Fact: Somehow still more ninja-like than the cast of Mortal Kombat

You know I really wish I could tell you something productive about this show. But in all honesty Vividred was there for the ass and Senran Kagura is there for the titties. And as a male, you could not ask for a better season. Even if you swing the other way Sinbad and the entire cast of Jojo could probably keep you company otherwise.

But let’s say you take the Sengoku period out of Sengoku Basara and turn all the males in female ninjas. That will give you something AKIN to Senran Kagura. There are fights, they do crazy over the top silly things, the game is a dumbed down version of Basara, and there’s an all star cast of seiyuu. Heck, Date’s sister from a distant mother is even in it. But there are melons, boobs, and deep throating long rolls. Oh, and it was boring. Unfortunately, the one thing it forgot to take from Basara was the idea to be interesting.

So let’s just have a sing along instead.

 

 

The Final Score: A case of gigantic melons out of 5

 

 

Sakurasou: The House of Broken Human Beings


Fact: The character pictured is Aoyama.

This is a show where a character name Sorata yells…a lot. In fact, I remember nothing of the first half of the show apart from Sorata yelling at everything that moved. But I will admit the second half that actually fell within the Winter season was marginally better and had Sorata yelling based on actual plot relevant events. Did I mention Sorata yelled a lot? There was also Aoyama.

So what about the other Sakurasou characters? All of them had generally interesting plotlines aside for Mashiro and Sorata. Jin and Misaki had a touching story. Dragon Boy and Rita were also adorable together. If Mashiro had simply been thrown out of the show and it was just Sorata and Aoyama it would have been vastly more entertaining. We also would have (most likely) suffered a lot less of Sorata yelling.

However, it still did drama better than Haganai. All you have to do is pay the cost of Sorata not knowing how to use his inside voice. The real mystery? Why is it I call everybody by their first names and not Aoyama? Because I’ll admit that yelling Aoyama’s name is actually quite fun. You can have points for that one Sorata.

The Final Score: 130 dB

 

 

Alive a Life a Love Live!


Fact: While filming Susume Tomorrow three traffic accidents were caused

If there’s not an idol character in an anime, idols doing the OP/ED themes for the anime, then chances are it’s probably an anime completely about idols. At least, that seems to be good logic to follow nowadays. So is Love Live! another cancer to add to the pile? The large amount of Pixiv favorites I have of Kotori artwork seems to indicate not so much.

Now to be honest, I’ll admit that Love Live! stole my heart at episode one. There are very few shows where a schoolgirl breaks into song and jumps into the middle of traffic to dance. Honoka is a crazy bitch and that can actually sum up quite a fair amount of Love Live! as an anime. Honoka is a crazy bitch and that high amount of crazy manages to drive a ton of socially pressured girls into doing idol things. But with no name, no dance experience, and no original music, Love Live! is a charming underdog story wrapped in a small package.

I won’t go out of my way to say it’s amazing. It really isn’t. And there was more than enough unnecessary, we’ve seen it a million times drama that I had no fucks to give about. But it has mah bitch Kotori and if you’re not alright with that then I’m sure there’s some poison within Love Live! that is potent enough for you. Frankly, if the show had more random musical break outs I think it could have been something amazing. Doesn’t everybody secretly want to watch a show that is a literal musical? And what’s a better place than an idol anime?

The Final Score: Kotori out of 10

 

 

Jojo’s Wacky Journey


Fact: Fujoshi are excused from this judgement

In the long history of adaptions, people have asked what it takes to make a good anime adaption. The current answer has slowly shifted towards: A staff that REALLY loves the material they are working with. And, to be honest, all good Jojo fans worship our one true god, Araki. So it’s only natural that those who have grown with the Jojo franchise one day hope to achieve that Araki perfection. But we can only reach so close to a god, so it’s fair to say the Jojo anime could never be perfect.

Jojo didn’t have a perfect budget. There were some really awkward shots here and there. Not everything could be animated perfectly. Kars flying off into space looked goofy as fuck. And the story made some jumps that felt fairly drastic at times. But the staff worked their asses off to reach towards perfection.

The Jojo anime brought moments from the manga to life that fans have waited years for. It had an unforgettable pair of opening themes. It brought some fabulous moments in voice acting that we haven’t been able to hear since Sengoku Basara. I honestly wish I had something incredibly bad to say about the show but I will say this much: Kars in space, Wham in his chariot. Other than that it was a great run and I can only hope it brings in enough cash that someday Diamond is Unbreakable and Golden Wind will get the same treatment.

The Final Score: I’d give it two thumbs up if one of my hands wasn’t a squirrel.

 

 

Not so Little Busters!


Fact: A-chan Senpai is a legitimate character name

I will be straight. This adaption is ass. It makes me want to drop a shit on Yoshinobu Yamakawa’s front doorstep. And, despite my negative tone, I was fairly open about this adaption. I was happy that KyoAsscrackmation wasn’t handling it so I wasn’t staring at a giant pair of eyes every week for 30 minutes on end. And I listened to the new edition of the Natsume Brothers radio and Midorikawa’s words that they were trying to make it something different to make more sense as an anime. But what I got only demonstrated that for a short moment.

Gag scenes were sloppily combined and dumbed down, entire character chemistry was written out, characters were forcefully added to scenes with little thought, and, in fact, most of what was added appeared to have no real thought behind it. And part of me was looking for the same characters that charmed me in the game. But all I got was some disgustingly watered down gruel, an over-salted piece of meat, and a rock that had been spray painted gold. I had hoped that Little Busters! the anime would be medicine with a spoonful of sugar, that it would be something that was at least a little easier to stomach. The truth of the matter is all I got was a suppository.

Yes, my ass hurts. And that’s a real shame. When I heard they were breaking it up into two seasons I had a flame of hope that the staff had thought of a creative way to recreate one of the biggest shocks of the game by using the season break. But all I’ve gotten is more mail order suppositories. BUT at least it’s still better than a straight ass injection from KyoGofuckatreemation.

The Final Score: Kinniku out of not so much yay yay.

 

 

Greed Island Online


Fact: Can also be used to make delicious pancakes.

So this review is strangely different from others. It’s not a full anime review but just a single arc out of the many. Why? Because Hunter x Hunter is a great series and deserves more hype than what it’s getting right now. So this is a gift to all of you who are walking the path of greatness right now by sticking with the new adaption.

So, how did HxH’s new Greed Island adaption hold up? Pretty damn good. I will admit that the Spiders arc had left me a little bitter. The old HxH had done such a great job with environment, music, and animated fights that the new season couldn’t quite hold a candle. But as far as the old OVA goes, Greed Island was quite a joke and it left me with fairly bitter memories about the entire arc. Which is a shame because G.I. isn’t really that bad an arc. In fact, it’s just a bad arc by HxH standards but that still means it’s more interesting than anything you’re read normally.

Yes. G.I. was a built up training arc. But if you didn’t enjoy the final fight with Bomber and the Dodge-ball game then I think you should go to the doctor. While it’s probably unfair to compare the two, the new adaption of G.I. blew it’s predecessor out of the water and it really made me reflect on the arc as a whole. There are quite a few things that I appreciate about the new HxH adaption and G.I. is definitely a new addition to the list.

The Final Score: First comes rock out of rock, paper, scissors

 

 

Vividspectrum Operation


Fact: Mixing colors was thrown out as Red and Green make a crap Brown

Is there ever enough anime about little girls being turned into WMDs? Fuck no, you’re crazy. Is there enough anime that make straight up good mecha references? Of course not. Is there enough anime with straight up mayoras? Nope. Is there enough anime with some serious lesbian overtones? Probably.

Vividred is another anime that’s far from perfect. It’s not stellar but it’s more than worth of your time. Honestly, Vividred simply had a “why stop there” syndrome. All you can do at the end of the day is look it in the face and ask, “Why didn’t you give it your all?”. I wanted more fusions. I wanted to see more references via finishing moves. And I’ll be honest with all of you. I wanted to see Momo in those fucking hot pants. You gonna deny me an Operation Pink staff? You gonna deny me a two sisters for one package deal? You just wanted to jerk me around like that? Don’t just leave me stiff like that.

More so than Jojo, I hope Vividred makes some serious money. I want it to make money so I can get a second season and all the things I didn’t get in the first. I don’t want to be left stiff and never get to finish the job. But I couldn’t end this entire Vividred view without mentioning one thing. Camera angles. There. I said it. Butts. Ass. Backside. Booty. Donk. Caboose. Money maker. Buns. Salt shaker. Bottom. Gluteus Maximus.

 

 

That felt good to get out of the system.

The Final Score: The visible spectrum out of 3

 

Summing it Up
Honestly, I took a lot of these reviews more seriously than I thought I would. Damn it all. I’m never doing this again.

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Responses

  1. YOUR RATINGS! And dat Senyuu review


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