Posted by: Leek | December 20, 2013

How Regina Stole Christmas…….Eve!

So I can really claim that a part of me really loves parodies. And some of the ones that really get me are the parodies that people come up with for the classic , “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. Now it was just by chance that upon reflecting on DokiPre’s 44th episode that I began to draw a few lines between what happens in the episode and what happens in the plot of the Grinch. No, they really have nothing to do with each other. But after sometime in the shower it made me really want to try a parody. And even as a PreCure fan I realize I do nothing for the community. So here’s my present this year.

As for a bit of background this was written based entirely around the plot of Episode 44 (with some chronological alterations). I tried to keep the vibe in a lot of the lines but obviously I could only go so far and you’ll realize that I wander pretty far from a simple story of stealing away Christmas. So I apologize for some of the bad jokes but hopefully ONE of them makes you laugh. And hopefully you can recognize what vibes of the original work I tried to keep. Please don’t hate me.

Originally, I had only planned to write and post this. But after a few prods as I revealed what I was working on, there was a request I do my reading of it. And since I have the storage on my Podcast I decided to make this gift just that much sweeter. So if you really want to listen to me read it to you, you have that option. Sorry, I didn’t try to imitate any female voices (not that nice). And if you read this, enjoy it, and maybe want to do your own reading then I’d love to hear it. Just be sure to give me some credit for throwing it together.


If you can’t see the media player below feel free to download the reading

Every member of PreCure liked Mana a lot,
But Regina, who lived in the Trump Kingdom, did NOT!

Regina hated Mana! The Doki PreCure season!
Now, please don’t ask why. Only King Jikochu may know the reason.
It could be that her ribbon didn’t fit just quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
But if you need a good reason then I’ll give it a whack
I would say that her heart had been painted pure black.

But, whatever the reason, her heart or her shoes,
She laid back that day, plotting a ruse,
Staring into space as she developed her plan,
she kept herself calm with the help of a fan.
For she knew every member of PreCure was counting down
To their Christmas Eve date with Mana about town.

“And they’re developing Aguri!” she snarled with a sneer.
“The finale is soon! It’s practically here!”
Then she growled, with her small fingers quietly drumming,
“I MUST find a way to ensure Father’s coming!”
For, on Christmas, she knew…

…young Ai-chan always filled with joy
would wake up bright and early. She’d rush for her toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing she hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then all the cast, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They’ll feast on omurice, and maybe even a cake
Which was something Regina could no longer take!

And THEN
They’d do something she liked least of all!
Every member of PreCure, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And Makoto would start singing!

She’d sing! And she’d sing!
AND she’d SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more Regina thought of Makoto yelling out “FLY”
The more Regina thought, “The reason as to why…
“Why have we lost every episode until now!
perhaps if I ruin Christmas Eve!
…But HOW?”

Then she got an idea!
An awful idea!
Regina…
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” Regina giggled with glee
And she summoned Veil with his ever charming goatee.
And she chuckled, and clucked, “We capture Mana, the one and only Cure Heart,
Then without their only leader PreCure will fall right apart!”

“But how do we capture her…”
Regina looked around.
For if they approached Mana
she would not simply go down.
Did that stop the young princess…?
“No!” Regina simply said,
“If I can’t capture her directly, you two will go in my stead!”
So she called Ira and Mamo. She told them the plan.
But Regina’s great scheme had only began.

THEN
She prepared a cage,
One Mana could never escape,
And with all cards in place
Regina’s plan would take shape.

Regina sent off her servants
PreCure unaware
That as they made Christmas preparations
Regina anticipated their despair.

All the town was peaceful. Joyful chatter filled the air.
And PreCure talked over Christmas Eve plans without care.
Ira put on some glasses. Mamo fixed her hair.
“Our disguises are foolproof,” the Jikochu pair cheered
And at Mana’s side they shortly appeared.

Then they told of a competition. A rather elusive one.
And if Mana would fall for it, then their work was done.
Mana was quite puzzled (a strange pair the two)
But she listened intently without the slightest clue.
The competition was a lie! But how could she know?
“King of Student Council Presidents,” she grinned, “I must go!”

The two slithered away, their mission complete.
But Rikka soon realized this competition was no regular feat!
Why it was on Christmas Eve! What a cruel twist of fate!
Would Rikka be forced to give up on their date?
But she acted quite selfless, she did not even pout.
Rikka could never ask her companion to simply back out.
She said even separated they were never apart,
But Rakeru knew she was suffering somewhere deep in her heart.

On Christmas Eve, Rikka’s work stacked up pile after pile.
But Makoto soon handed her a small Mana memo with a smile.
Rikka was shocked for a moment or two
“I know if anyone can do this” the memo said, “it has to be you!”

And at the parade, the others realized they were wrong.
Mana had been at Rikka’s side all along!
And Rikka perhaps had the most fun,
As she realized that she no longer stood alone as one.

From afar watched King Jikochu’s young daughter,
Who was ready to succeed come hell or high water.
Staring at Rikka she spoke aloud, “PreCure, why,
“Why aren’t you lonely? WHY?”

And, you know, just earlier that day so smart and so slick
Regina had managed to capture Mana, and it happened quick!
“Why, my dear Mana,” said the young princess gleaming with pride,
“The rest of PreCure has no hope without you at their side.
So please take it easy and don’t have any fear.
I’ll eliminate your friends, then return to you here.”

Mana was stunned! She had been completely misled.
As instead of the strange two, Ira and Mamo stood in their stead.
And while Mana was petrified, trapped in her cage,
Regina left to take her place on the main stage.

Could Cure Heart escape,
Armed with only brute force but no key?
She knew it was only trouble if she remained Regina’s detainee.
Mana was a fighter, determined to break free.

And…
The trap would have been perfect
But little did Regina know
There was someone that could save Mana,
That weird pervert Joe!

Then
Regina did the same thing,
As per every show,

She had a Jikochuu
Wreak havoc
Produced from an innocent’s woe!

It was the Christmas Eve parade…
The citizens broke into panic
And as PreCure arrived
They saw their opponent was quite…botanic!

And before too long it turned into a brawl,
PreCure, Regina, Jikochu, et al.

But Regina was confident! She put faith in her wit!
Today was the day PreCure would submit!
“How does it feel” she was confidently humming.
“Now that you know Mana is never coming?
Try to act strong now! I know just what you’ll do!
You’ll be able to fight for a minute or two
Then you’ll fall right apart and all cry BOO-HOO!”

That’s something,” grinned Regina,
“That I simply must hear!”
Waiting for PreCure to crumble in fear.
And she did realize something as they fought in the snow.
Realizing rather slow, that PreCure’s strength was starting…to grow!

PreCure wasn’t helpless!
Why, this was quite scary!
It couldn’t be so!
But it WAS scary! VERY!

She battled with Cure Diamond!
It was time for PreCure’s demise!
Then she shook!
What she experienced was a shocking surprise!

Every member of PreCure, the tall and the small,
Was fighting! Without any Mana at all!
She HADN’T torn PreCure apart!
No leader to blame!
Somehow or other, they fought just the same!

And Regina, with her Miracle Dragon Glaive stuck in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?
A fight without Mana! Their one true love!
Defeating you should have taken nothing more than a shove!”
And she puzzled for a minute, `till her puzzler was sore.
Then Cure Diamond told Regina something she had never thought of before!
“Maybe love,” Diamond said, “has nothing to do with being apart.
“Maybe love…perhaps…is keeping that person in our heart!”

And what happened then…?
Well…young Lance would say
That Regina’s red eyes
Shortly returned to blue that day!

And then as the true meaning of love came through,
PreCure found the strength of ten Jikochu, plus two!

And now that her heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
Regina’s Jikochu soon lost strength under that Christmas Eve light.
Cure Heart soon arrived catching Regina mid confession
But those feelings for Mana would soon turn to aggression.
Regina wasted no time and her Jikochu stood up in a rush
Though it was easily disposed of with a Royal Lovely Straight Flush.

And…
The Jikochuu trio vanished, Regina trailing behind
As feelings for Mana still clouded her mind.

Regina eventually retreated even though Mana begged her to stay
But she…

…SHE HERSELF…!

Had confessed her love to Mana that day!

Afterword and Credits
So I’m going to be honest and admit that writing this was far more fun then I expected. In all honesty I’m pretty sure I did something like this in middle school but I don’t think I had as great of a base to work off of. I originally had a lot of different jokes thrown in (references to the movie, a bit more sketchy language) but I opted for something really embedded in Episode 44. And, as an aside, Dr. Seuss is really one of my heroes so I feel bad if anyone feels like I defaced his work doing this. I really tried to come up with a few nonsensical rhymes that he might give the thumbs up and made sure to retain some of the exact rhymes that were used in the original. With any luck he’s not rolling in his grave about this parody. I’m not sure if you noticed but I used a mix of the original written work and the animated work. The original draft only followed the book but after inserting some of the extra lines from the animated work I was able to really capture more scenes from the episode.

That’s about all there is to it. I wish I had some kind of artistic ability so I could have done some cute drawings and just put it up as a YouTube video but all the screenshots and reading along will just have to do. And I had a lot of fun doing the reading as well (the times I wish I had better recording equipment). I probably should have re-recorded a few parts looking back but overall I’m not hating how it came out.

And last, the credits. DokiPre staff for a great Christmas episode, Dr. Seuss for the great source material and life philophies, and, of course, the background music was simply an unaltered loop of the following:

“Jingle Bells” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Have a Happy Holiday season everyone.

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