Posted by: Leek | January 10, 2014

DAI SCOOP (Big Scoop): Anime Underground Illuminati Reveals Research Regarding Fujoshi Species

The year has turned over and I realized it’s time that I go in deep and hard for the sake of the anime community. So in the time I’ve been “neglecting” editing the latest radio episode, I’ve actually been snooping in the darkest corners of the world for the most stunning news stories concerning the anime community.

And that brings us the newest corner in the blog: “DAI SCOOP” (that’s Japanese for big scoop). In this very limited series (because the anime underground is a dangerous place), I’ll relay the most shocking and sought out stories of the anime community. And we go deep. This is incredibly well performed research and interviews you won’t find anywhere else. Why? Because I’m just that good and I know how to talk to the right people.

For the first part of and maybe only installment I bring you the biggest issue concerning the anime community. The Anime Underground Illuminati has worked hard to keep the secret of the fujoshi clan underground for various protective reasons. But as of recent it appears the truth behind the “fujoshi people” has gotten out and a turf war has broken out. With fear of a war breaking over what anime should be allowed to be produced, the anime underground decided to give me the real facts behind the so-called “Neo-Fujoshi Movement” and the history of the “Fujoshi Species”.

Fujoshi in Antiquity
Before I go into the depths of the birth of “Neo-Fujoshi”, which I will cover in my next article, I feel it necessary to go into the long history of the Anime Underground Illuminati’s history with fujoshi. For a long time they had kept the incident that fujoshi actually exist hidden from the people by misdirecting it as a fictional existence. They had tried to convince people that fujoshi only existed in anime and manga and did their best to hide the common name (fujoshi) from the people.

The existence of fujoshi has actually been known since ancient times and the term itself is considered one of the best examples of multiple discovery to date. One of the members of the anime underground explained it to me carefully,

“We don’t know exactly when and where the term surfaced first. To be frank, we found ancient cave drawings depicting something strangely familiar to the fujoshi we all know and live among today. It was a baffling discovery really. What the real problem was is that in the recent year illustrations depicting the old cave art had surfaced. We didn’t know if someone had let the old photos of this cave art slip or someone’s ancient ancestor had given them a revelation.”

Genus: Homo Species: Sukius

Modern depiction of ancient cave drawings of Fujoshi species

The story became twice as fascinating as they explained fujoshi throughout history:

“After we discovered the ancient cave drawings we began to look deeper into history to try and see how the fujoshi blended in with humans. In ancient Roman times we found traces of writings depicting various male gladiators involved in sexual activities. And, of course, Shikibu’s Tale of Genji is one of the most well known works to come out of the species. It’s fascinating really. We’ve been trying to tell historians that they’ve had it wrong for years and that all the ideas of homosexuality in ancient Japan was nothing more than olden doujinshi guidelines. They say we have no proof but is it really that difficult to connect the dots?”

Discovery of Homo Sukius
We finally reached the modern day where researchers had picked up on the possible idea that fujoshi aren’t normal people. I was given the following story of what had happened:

“Now after conducting this research we decided it was time to take the next step and begin subject analysis. At first we decided to perform this as an interview but one member of the team was convinced that something wasn’t right about fujoshi. We didn’t want to believe him but we wanted to take all scientific approaches to the problem. So we started a few biological tests to convince this guy that fujoshi weren’t part of some alien conspiracy…and BOOM! Before you knew it we found some interesting distinct differences in DNA between a human and the ‘fujoshi clan’ we had been using to categorize them at the time. Maybe our colleague had been wrong in calling them aliens but we realized we had found a completely new and surviving member of the homo genus. We decided to label the species as ‘sukius’ effectively making ‘homo sukius” their conventional family name.”

Now you could imagine I was as shocked as anyone could be when I heard the words that had left this man’s mouth. Who would have thought that the term that people had begun throwing around like school lunch was the affectionate name for a brand new species? I decided to immediately inquire why the Anime Underground Illuminati had yet to present their discovery. I received a rather tragic answer:

“We were originally going to run out and immediately publish our finding but then our subject started talking to us in what could only have been the original language of the fujoshi species. It sounded distinctly like Japanese but we figured it was just our mishearing. But our subject’s words sounded much like ‘What am I doing here” and ‘I have work tomorrow’. We knew we had to be mishearing things because there was no way that such a fragile species could do normal human things like work a regular job. So we ignored our mishearing and after heavy decoding we eventually came up with their exclamations as, ‘We are very few’ and ‘Please protect our people’. We were moved to tears and decided it was our duty to try and keep the truth under wraps.”

Fujoshi Protection Measures
This long story eventually led near to the modern day where the existence of “fujoshi” was beginning to become more known to the public. The Anime Underground Illuminati was beginning to have trouble concealing the story and told of the various methods they had attempted.

“Now we know other members of the anime community are sharp and that they’d be the first to unearth the secret of the fujoshi species. So we tried our best to keep the fujoshi out of their territory and, at the least, limit the amount they would intertwine. It seemed to be going well since we used methods like Exile, Johnny’s Entertainment, and other young boy bands to divert them away from anime. But the problem is the music industry intervened and started making idol groups that competed with and largely flushed out the prominence of boy bands. We were already having a problem since most of the fujoshi who were wrapped up in the boy band craze were older members of the species. So the younger generations were still managing to slip through our fingers and head towards anime and manga. Before we knew it, idol groups completely destroyed the fabric and fujoshi began to slip out of our control. Diverting them towards Korean boy bands seemed to work for awhile but things had already been stretched too thin. In hindsight, the Korean boy band thing should probably just be deemed a failed effort.”

The long story wraps up with a turn to present day.

“At this point we had lost all control and we realized there wasn’t much more we could do for the fujoshi species. And what was going to happen next wasn’t really their fault. None of us had any idea what was sitting on the horizon and that was a strange bunch of extremists who would begin to run amok.”

And that ends the overall history and first part of this “Neo-Fujoshi” coverage. In the follow up to this story I will give you the Anime Underground Illuminati’s story and breakdown of what has taken over the anime and manga community as of current. Not only will we cover the background movements of the so-called “Neo-Fujoshi” but the counter-terrorist actions as well as how you can protect yourself from sparking a war. Stay tuned for the next part of this this two part DAI SCOOP (again, that’s big scoop in English).

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